Finding My Spot

I’m at Starbucks. I’ve been here for less than 30 minutes and I’ve already changed seats three times. Just can’t seem to get comfortable, can't seem to find my spot. That’s kind of how my life feels right now. Transitions, questions, decisions, and that huge pond separating me from my loved ones has left me aching for a home. I don’t mean a literal place to live. I don’t mean the UK or Scotland or even America. I mean the place where I feel settled and complete. Because I’m a missionary, I’ll always be far away from people I love…which makes me wonder if this ache will always be here. Or maybe right now I’m just more intimately aware of this lack because I’m in a unique time of transition and discovery in my life.

I have more than a couple dreams in my heart, and each one feels like it’s been written there by the hand of God. I can see myself in each one. And the ones I’m not living out right now are just as alive as the ones that I am. The problem is I can’t see clearly how they connect, or how one will lead to another. What does that mean? Which ones should I let diminish and which ones should I pursue? Or should I guard every one and wait for their fulfillment?

This is an interesting season of life. I’m a little over half way through my first missionary assignment. Waiting for me on the other side of this is itineration. Blech….Lots of phone calls, lots of pre-sermon jitters, lots of travel, lots of “I’m sorry, but we’re not taking on any new missionaries” from pastors, lots of number crunching, lots of “why aren’t you married yet?” questions and other such nonsense from well-meaning yet narrow-minded folks. But it will also be lots of learning, lots of time in God’s presence, lots of opportunities for God to prove Himself faithful, lots of chances to tell people why Scotland matters to God, lots of new friends to be made who are on the same journey, lots of miracles to be seen, and (hopefully) lots of people who will be inspired to follow God's call on their lives as well.

So as I said, I’m in a very unique season. It’s exciting. It’s frightening. It's beautiful. It's uncomfortable. It’s the best of times and the worst of times….hah……I just have to laugh at that for some reason. I guess because in all the joy, pain, confusion, and wonder of my life I’m realizing that this is more than just a journey. It’s an adventure, written by God.

Nichole Nordeman is one of my favorite musical artists. She doesn't know me, but she writes songs about my life :o) Seriously. Her song Someday has been playing over and over in my head today. A portion of the lyrics go like this:

I believe in the rest of the story
I believe there's still ink in the pen
I believe it's the human condition
We all need to have answers to why
More than ever, I'm ready to say that I
Will still sleep peacefully
With answers out of reach for me

Someday all that’s crazy, all that’s unexplained
Will fall into place
Someday all that’s hazy, through a clouded glass
Will be clear at last
And sometimes…..we’re just waiting….for someday

Every puzzle’s missing piece
Every unsolved mystery
More than half of every whole
Rest in the Hands that hold you for someday