Finding My Spot

I’m at Starbucks. I’ve been here for less than 30 minutes and I’ve already changed seats three times. Just can’t seem to get comfortable, can't seem to find my spot. That’s kind of how my life feels right now. Transitions, questions, decisions, and that huge pond separating me from my loved ones has left me aching for a home. I don’t mean a literal place to live. I don’t mean the UK or Scotland or even America. I mean the place where I feel settled and complete. Because I’m a missionary, I’ll always be far away from people I love…which makes me wonder if this ache will always be here. Or maybe right now I’m just more intimately aware of this lack because I’m in a unique time of transition and discovery in my life.

I have more than a couple dreams in my heart, and each one feels like it’s been written there by the hand of God. I can see myself in each one. And the ones I’m not living out right now are just as alive as the ones that I am. The problem is I can’t see clearly how they connect, or how one will lead to another. What does that mean? Which ones should I let diminish and which ones should I pursue? Or should I guard every one and wait for their fulfillment?

This is an interesting season of life. I’m a little over half way through my first missionary assignment. Waiting for me on the other side of this is itineration. Blech….Lots of phone calls, lots of pre-sermon jitters, lots of travel, lots of “I’m sorry, but we’re not taking on any new missionaries” from pastors, lots of number crunching, lots of “why aren’t you married yet?” questions and other such nonsense from well-meaning yet narrow-minded folks. But it will also be lots of learning, lots of time in God’s presence, lots of opportunities for God to prove Himself faithful, lots of chances to tell people why Scotland matters to God, lots of new friends to be made who are on the same journey, lots of miracles to be seen, and (hopefully) lots of people who will be inspired to follow God's call on their lives as well.

So as I said, I’m in a very unique season. It’s exciting. It’s frightening. It's beautiful. It's uncomfortable. It’s the best of times and the worst of times….hah……I just have to laugh at that for some reason. I guess because in all the joy, pain, confusion, and wonder of my life I’m realizing that this is more than just a journey. It’s an adventure, written by God.

Nichole Nordeman is one of my favorite musical artists. She doesn't know me, but she writes songs about my life :o) Seriously. Her song Someday has been playing over and over in my head today. A portion of the lyrics go like this:

I believe in the rest of the story
I believe there's still ink in the pen
I believe it's the human condition
We all need to have answers to why
More than ever, I'm ready to say that I
Will still sleep peacefully
With answers out of reach for me

Someday all that’s crazy, all that’s unexplained
Will fall into place
Someday all that’s hazy, through a clouded glass
Will be clear at last
And sometimes…..we’re just waiting….for someday

Every puzzle’s missing piece
Every unsolved mystery
More than half of every whole
Rest in the Hands that hold you for someday

All Night Prayer

On Friday night we had the first ever Radiate all night prayer meeting. 25 students came! And if that isn't amazing enough, one of them isn't even saved! I know, seriously, God works in crazy ways. I have nothing but good things to say about the night. It was AWESOME. God is really doing a work in our students. He met with us in a genuine way and I believe that we saw significant breakthroughs not only in the individual lives of our students, but also in Radiate as a whole. Something is different. I can't put my finger on it just yet, but that's how we all felt when the night was over.

Most of the night was spent praying for the lost and for God to use us in reaching them. During the first corporate prayer time one of our students said that he felt like "God is setting a challenge before us and saying that He has given us everything, but we have to give Him everything. God has already and still is pouring out on us, profusely, but too often we let it slip through our hands. We should be grasping it and running with it. We can't just say we want to be a part of what God is doing in Aberdeen--we actually have to give ourselves fully. It's on us; we have a responsibility." Another student followed that challenge with a prayer that our hearts would be like John Knox's heart, who prayed, "Give me Scotland or I die." Things like this went on throughout the night as we sought after God. He tore our hearts for the lost, and similtaneously filled them with faith, hope, and joy in His plans for this city.

It was a really powerful time, and I was really moved to see how God was showing the students His heart for Aberdeen and calling them to do something about it. That kind of revelation is priceless.

Taylor & Chloe

I'm an aunt!! The precious little babies in this picture are Taylor and Chloe, twin girls that my sister and brother-in-law are adopting from an orphanage in Vietnam. I know, seriously, they are SO CUTE. On Feb 27 Natalie and Jake will be flying to Vietnam to get them and will most likely spend three weeks there while they wait for the twins' visas to clear. Please keep them in your prayers!

Go here to visit the website that Jake made them, and you can follow them along on their journey in Vietnam.

Tonight at The Cafe...

This semester we're trying something different for our outreaches. Our church has a newly remodled cafe with a coffee bar which we'll be using as a venue. Every other Tuesday night we have what we call The Radiate Cafe, each with a different theme. The first one was a comedy night where we played several improv games, group games, showed a few Utube videos, and even a couple superbowl commercials. At the end of each Cafe Sarah shares her thoughts on the subject at hand, leaving guests with a story, question, or statement to ponder. This week we set up the Cafe as an Art Gallery and it was seriously so cool. A couple of our students are Art majors at Robert Gordon University, so they each brought in several peices to put on display. However, my favorite part of the night was that they invited two of their classmates, both unsaved, to be featured artists as well. Throughout the night each artist had a chance to share about their work, style, and how they view art. It was really great to have the opportunity to honor them for their hard work and hear about their journey as an artist. It went so well that we're hoping to do another art gallery at the end of the semester, hopefully bringing in more new artists. PLEASE remember to keep us in your prayers, and especially pray for our outreaches. Pray that our students would have boldness to invite their friends, and that when their friends come they would expericence the love of God through us.

These are our goals for our outreaches:

1. That unsaved students would come.

2. That there would be a genuine relational connection between the Christians and non-Christians.

3. That the non-Christians would sense and experience the love and presence of God, both indirectly through us and directly from the Holy Spirit.

If these three things don't happen then we're just a Christian club, and that's not what we're here to be.

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Here are some photos from the comedy and art gallery cafes. Enjoy!

Comedy Night: Improv game "What Are you Doing?"

Comedy Night: Scotland's Next Top Model

Comedy Night: Joe is making a student grovel for forgiveness. It's part of the game, I promise.

Art Gallery: Lots of home-baked yumminess and coffee

Some of the student artwork

Jazz Band at the Art Gallery. They were really good.

More student artwork
Sarah with the featured artists.

Aqua

Notes and reflections from a sermon Rob Malcolm (Sarah's husband) preached on the story of the prodigal son and his older brother….

“His son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son.’ But his father said to the servants, ‘Quick! Bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger and sandals for his feet. And kill the calf we have been fattening. We must celebrate with a feast, for this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found.’ So the party began.”

Luke 15:21-24

There you have it—the stirring conversation that appears to conclude a story that begins in tragedy and ends in restoration. But wait a second, that isn’t the ending. There's something else, something very important that takes place. Why didn’t Jesus end the story here? Why did He go on to include another conversation between the father and the oldest son? A couple weeks ago Rob preached on this passage and pointed out that there’s a “meanwhile” in this story.

“Meanwhile, the older son was in the fields working. When he returned home, he heard music and dancing in the house, and he asked one of the servants what was going on. ‘Your brother is back,’ he was told, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf. We are celebrating because of his safe return.’ The older brother was angry and wouldn’t go in. His father came out and begged him, but he replied, ‘All these years I’ve slaved for you and never once disobeyed your orders. And in all that time you never gave me even one young goat for a feast with my friends. Yet when this son of yours comes back after squandering your money on prostitutes, you celebrate by killing the fattened calf!’ His father said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. ’”

Luke 15:25-31

When reading this story, we need to keep in mind that Jesus never said anything by accident or without purpose. So why didn’t He stop at the homecoming of the prodigal son? It’s because this story isn’t just about salvation and forgiveness. There’s a lesson to be learned for those of us who relate more to the older son than the prodigal.

Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. The first thing the older son said was “All these years I’ve slaved for you…” This statement shows how the older son viewed his relationship with the father. It wasn’t one of love, freedom, and vulnerability. Instead the older son felt the need to work and earn his father’s love and approval—a burden his father never imposed on either of his sons. Instead of enjoying the love that his father freely gave, the older son made everything a competition, invoking an irritated response when the honor, glory, and attention weren’t on him. I need to stop here and ask myself, is this how I view my relationship with God? Am I trying to earn something that He's already given me for free?

The older son also said “never once have I disobeyed you.” Oh really? It’s interesting how, when we get indignant, we so easily forget all our own flaws. He was self-righteous.
The third thing he said was “You never gave me one young goat to feast with my friends”, exposing his ungratefulness. He forgot all the other millions of things his father had done for him.

He then proceeds to cast all the blame and sin on his younger brother (vs 30). He wanted to be top dog, and he didn’t hesitate to commit character assassination in order to make himself look better. The oldest son was well and happy when everything was going his way. But as soon as his prodigal brother returned and things changed, he was thrown off balance and left grasping for something to stabilize himself. Because his heart wasn’t in the right place, the things he gripped for security showed his true character: selfishness, self-righteousness, attention-hungry, approval-seeking, and prideful. He should have been grasping for God (Father), and rooting himself in his Father’s love for him.
Notice, after all of this, the Father’s response:

"Son, you are always with me, and everything that is mine is yours."

Wow, huh? Of all the things he could have said, the father only offered more grace and love. Isn't that just how God is with us? We strive and store up and kick and scream--all in an effort to get ourselves to the top or to make a name for ourselves that will merit us glory and honor. And all the while, our Father is with us and He's standing with open hands, not withholding anything we could ever need. What we do on the outside should be an expression of who we are on the inside. Too often, like the oldest son, we use it as a mask.

By this point you're probably wondering why I've entitled this blog "Aqua." Well, I'm about to tell you, so wonder no longer! While Rob was preaching, he had the text of his message on powerpoint so that the congregation could read along. As he led us through each statement that the older son made, he highlighted them one by one in the color red so that they would stand out. Then, at the conclusion of his sermon, he highlighted the words of the father in a different color--Aqua. Through a random conversation with a good friend, I recently discovered that the color aqua represents emotional healing and protection. In light of everything that Rob had just taught us concerning God’s heart for His children, I was really struck by the fact that he had chosen to highlight the words of the Father in the color aqua. It’s as if God was saying, “I want to heal my people. I want to bring healing to the deep parts, the places where no one sees. And you don’t need to be afraid, because everything I have is yours and I protect you. Everything I have is at your disposal so that you’ll never go without and you’ll never be left on your own. Stop striving, stop trying to earn it. And don't forget that you are always with Me.”

I've found it to be true that the harder I try to make myself good, the more clearly I can see my own depravity and the effect of the fall. But instead of being afraid, I need only to bring all of myself and lay it finally at my Father's feet, where He in return touches my life with Grace. David Crowder puts it well in his song Wholly Yours:

"This might be the most impossible thing--Your grandness in me, making me clean."

God is Patient

Last Sunday night one of the students in my home group surrendered her life to Christ for the first time. Praise the Lord! There are two girls who started coming to my home group this year as non-Christians and have attended faithfully. One of them is still not ready to give her life to Christ, but the one who got saved last week has been a part of Radiate for over a year. She is a perfect example of the "belong before you believe" ministry philosophy that we embrace in Radiate. Many of the students that come into our ministry interact, observe, argue, and ask questions for months before making the decision to follow Christ.

....more to come about this soon....

Together

One of the most powerful things about the Prayer Week in Budapest was the fellowship. It's so good to be with people who are of the same spiritual temperature as you, but it's even better when they're passionate about the same things as you are. So much comfort came from being with people who have the same exact heart I do for university students in Europe and are going through all the same struggles and witnessing all the same miracles. I really cannot even begin to sum up in words how powerful fellowship like that is and how refreshing and life giving those few days were. Have you ever sat with someone and heard them share some of the deepest parts of their heart, and felt your own eyes fill with tears because you've been right there and you've experienced it yourself? Or have you ever had a moment of vulnerability, when you're trying to articulate what's in your heart and mind, trying to get out the things that are hard to wrap words around, and then you realize that the person you're talking to can validate every bit of what you're sharing becasue they're on the same path? They know what it feels like to leave everything you've ever known and everyone you've ever loved, and move far away, and give up financial security, and struggle with understanding a language and comprehending a different culture, and pioneer a ministry in an environment that is so foreign and hostile to the things of God. And the reason they understand these things is because God has taken their heart, shown them this spiritual need and given them a burden they can't get away from. There's nothing like it. A few weeks ago a friend of mine noted that hearing "I understand" is many times more powerful than hearing "I love you." It's true.

I feel like I have a completely new understanding of why God commands fellowship among His people. It's a command, not an option. It brings life and empowerment and it's really spiritual, ya know? I heard this quote in December and it stuck with me:

Together is powerful. Don't run alone.

At the end of last semester we dedicated a portion of our last Radiate service to testimonies. I was really proud of the large number of students that had the courage to share with the rest of us what God has done in their lives over the past several months. But you know what the amazing thing was? Probably 85% of the students that shared said they were so thankful for the community they've found in Radiate. A number of them said they didn't know what they would do without the Christian friends - the new family - they'd found in our campus ministry. Amazing, right? We need each other. You weren't made to run alone.

Budapest Pics

Alright Folks! Here's some fantastico pictures from Budapest. I took almost 300 pics, so obviously I couldn't post them all. As you can imagine, it was hard to narrow down which ones to post. BUT, the good news is, when I come back to the States or when you come visit me in Scotland (whichever comes first....hint, hint.....) you can see the remainder of my Budapest pics in all their glory. Enjoy!
These were all taken from the bridge....and I can't remember what it's called :o)

Saint Stephen's Basilica, the largest church in Budapest. It was seriously ornate on the inside.

This pic and the next few are of monument that the missionaries referred to as the "sand castle" because that's what it looks like from far away. A really big fancy sand castle. I think it was built in celebration of freedom from communist rule.
Hug a pillar

Another castle
Inside the castle This is a monument dedicated to the unknown people who preserved the written history of Hungary. Legend says that if you touch his pen you will gain brilliant writing skills. I'll let you know if it's true.

Me and my anonymous friend.

The man on this monument was the first Bishop to evangelize Hungary. Pagans nailed him into a barrel and left him on this spot to die.

Check out the bird
This Hungarian flag hangs as a symbol of freedom outside the parliment building. The circle cut of the middle is where the communist symbol used to be.
Parliment building
I hug animals everywhere I go
Some of my new missionary family!!



I opened up a cafe while I was there and named it after yours truely.