Fixing it

About a month ago one of my friends asked me if there is ever a time when I feel completely inadequate for my job. I thought about it, and there is something that I've been mulling over in my mind...

Since most of our students are newer Christians that had no religious backgroud before they got saved, I get asked A LOT of questions. I don't mind it a bit. Actually, I quite like it because I really love to teach, and I'm really passionate about people knowing the truth, so when I can help them find it, it brings me great joy. Some of the questions are kind of basic stuff that I've been taught all my life. Others are more in depth or thoughtful. Most of the time I don't have a problem answering them, but if I don't have the answer then I just go and find it for them. So, basically, I guess what I'm trying to say is that

I usually have answers for them.

I usually have something I can say to aid them, or to answer their questions, or to help them understand. This is one of the neat things that come with ministering to people who have no church background. BUT, another thing that comes with it is the fact that most of them were well into the world and wild living before they got saved. That's all they knew, that's all their friends know, everything is centered around getting stoned out of your mind and sleeping around and partying as much as possible. Here's the part where I start to feel inadequate, super inadequate for my job....

There have been so many times where I've sat in a coffee shop with one of our students and, after answering all their questions on the Trinity and speaking in tongues and the fall of man, they then start to talk about the temptation they're experiencing and how hard it is to really live for Christ and not go back to their old life. The old man dies hard. And what I've been thinking about a lot lately is that there's nothing I can say or do that will make it not hard from them as their learning how to live in the light when their whole lives they've been living in darkness.

When they say stuff like,

"It's just so hard, there's so much temptation. None of my friends understand me. I can't even hang out with them because all they want to do is get drunk and party. But I don't want to go back. I'm not gonna let the devil destroy my life"

...there's nothing I can say to make it better, or to fix it, or to make it not hard or not lonely for them. There's nothing I can do to make the temptation go away and make it easy for them to live for Christ.

So, yeah.....I do feel horribly inadequate sometimes. But I realize that what they're experiencing is just a part of being reborn, and learning how to walk again, and it's just hard. But I wish I could make it easy for them in some way. I feel like all I can do is just be a listening ear and a friend, and pray for them. So that's what I do.

During our last Big Sunday service of the semester we had a time of prayer. We broke up into groups of three or four and prayed for Radiate, for our unsaved friends, and for each other. It was during this time that one student in my group lifted her voice and began to pray for me. “Lord, thank You for bringing Anna to us. Thank You for all the things she has taught us and helped us walk thru…” Needless to say, I completely lost it. I feel incredibly humbled to be here. Honestly, I can’t believe God is letting me do this. I am convinced that I have the best job on earth. Really. I can’t tell you how many times each week I sit back and *sigh* and say, “Wow…I can’t believe this is my life.” I feel really, really blessed, and very undeserving of such an honor. It's the most challenging and the most rewarding thing I've ever done. I feel alive.